Prayer of Peace for the Dying
Today, I asked God to give someone peace because he is dying. In fact, he will die soon.
I know he has been sick for some time -- a lifetime, really. But he hid it from most with quiet dignity for many years.
This death has gradually consumed his life. He hurts, he suffers, he slowly wastes away. Death is not far away now. It is close, it is coming, it has almost arrived.
Today, I mailed him a card with a handwritten letter. I wish I could tell you that I was eloquent and that my words were important or inspirational, but they were not. I wish my words could relieve his suffering or make his burden lighter. But in reality, they were just
w o r d s ,
plain letters I attempted to arrange into some sort of
m e a n i n g
while I fumbled around my heavy and clumsy heart.
I wrote anyway, a delayed letter that I should have written a month ago. But I let life flood on with meetings and work and business and mothering and making dinners and washing faces and paying bills and all the excuses I could muster so that I did not have to
S T O P
and think about his imminent passing.
Today, I stopped. Today, I found the card I bought last week, opened it up, and felt completely inadequate to face that b l a n k s p a c e.
I told him the truth. A long time ago -- it seems a lifetime ago -- I was a young girl who needed help. I didn't ask him for help. I didn't know he could help me. But he did.
I found out much later what he had done.
I never thanked him.
I thanked him today.
And I asked God to give him peace.
He deserves much more than that, but this is what I can give.
I pray he understands my gratitude before he dies.